


A Good Man

by still_lycoris



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Choices, Gen, Murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 15:19:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17226467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/still_lycoris/pseuds/still_lycoris
Summary: Light needs to know if he is right about the identity of Kira. But even he doesn't see all of it coming.





	A Good Man

**Author's Note:**

> Written for 12dayschristmas

Light took a deep breath before knocking on the door.

He was aware that this was risky. That there were all sorts of ways that this could backfire. But he had to _know_. He just ... had to. And he was almost positive that he had this figured out. That he hadn’t made any mistakes in his calculations. And if he hadn’t, there was no reason not to find out for himself.

Perhaps it was just the fact that this was so important but he thought it took Matsuda a little longer to answer the door than was strictly necessary. He peered out before opening the door properly and his face was very pale but it brightened when he smiled.

“Light-kun! What are you doing here?”

“Can I come in, Matsuda-san?”

Matsuda rubbed the back of his head.

“Um, it’s kind of messy ...? Are you sure that you can’t just talk out here?”

“I’m sure.” Light fixed one of his easy smiles on his face. “Don’t worry, I’m used to mess! I live with Sayu!”

Matsuda laughed and looked a little more relaxed. He stepped aside and Light walked in, stopping to remove his shoes.

Matsuda’s flat _was_ messy. Light had a feeling that it had always been that way but had perhaps got worse recently. There were piles of paper everywhere, perhaps work though Light wasn’t sure. There was a large bowl of apples on the table and a few dirty plates scattered around. Matsuda looked awkward and stood in front of them, as though that might hide them.. He rubbed the back of his head again.

“W-what can I do for you, Light-kun?”

Light took a deep breath. This was the moment. He’d planned in his head exactly what to say but now he was here, now he was actually looking Matsuda in the face ...

“You’re working on the Kira case with my father, aren’t you?”

Matsuda visibly twitched, looking away. 

“I ... I ... um ... d-don’t know if I should talk about it ... ”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to,” Light said calmly. “I know that you are. After all, you always work with my father. You’re very loyal to him. I’ve heard him talk about you a few times. He says you’re a good man.”

“He ... does?” 

Matsuda blushed slightly as he said it, eyes lighting up. It was endearing, almost innocent and for half a second, Light doubted himself ... but no. No, this _fitted_ the theory that he’d put together, made it more likely than before.

“He does,” he confirmed. “He’s often been proud of you. So I know you wouldn’t desert him now.”

“No, never!” Matsuda said at once, his voice almost childishly fierce. “But, I guess, I’m not really allowed to talk about the case, even so ... I mean, unless your father has been has been telling you stuff? Has he?”

Light smiled a little. Of course, his father had told him almost nothing but that hadn’t stopped him. He’d hacked into his father’s computer to learn things, more than once. It was one of the ways that he’d come to this conclusion. Not that he was going to tell Matsuda that. It wasn’t necessary.

“Yes, a little,” he said. “My father trusts me. And I’ve been reading around a lot, investigating. I wanted to find out about Kira. Not just to catch him but to get an idea of who he might be, what he might be like.”

Matsuda wasn’t quite meeting his eyes. His head was ducked a little and he was hunching up, only a little, but it was clear. Light had considered more than this, even planned a possible trap or two but watching Matsuda now, he didn’t think he needed them.

“Matsuda-san,” he said and he made his voice very gentle. “You’re Kira. Aren’t you?”

Matsuda’s head snapped up. He stared at Light with a wild look of panic.

“Why, why would you say that, I’m not, I’m, I’m a _policeman ..._ ”

“Kira either works on or has a link to the police investigation,” Light said quietly. “That much is obvious. L has said so, hasn’t he? Kira knows just a little bit too much about what’s been suggested, that’s how he’s staying ahead of everything you do. Not very ahead, perhaps. Just enough.”

Matsuda was hunching back again, shaking his head slightly. Light took a half-step towards him, watching his every move. This was the risky part. The part where, if he _had_ misjudged Matsuda ...

“Kira is someone who thinks he’s doing something moral,” he said. “He’s also conflicted about his actions. He wants to stay on the side of good and justice – that’s why you didn’t kill L when he appeared on television, isn’t it? But at the same time, he’s someone passionate and idealistic who thinks the world is flawed and needs to be fixed. Who really wants to make a difference. And you do, don’t you? You’ve worked with my father for a while, you’ve seen how many hours he works – and for what? For people to get away with it? For people to laugh at the police, laugh at my father?”

He noticed that Matsuda’s fists had clenched slightly. Because he was connecting with what Light was saying? Or because he was angry that he was being accused? It could be either but Light was pretty sure that it was the first one. He moved closer again, reaching out a hand and touching Matsuda very gently on the shoulder. _Remember, Matsuda-san, I’m a human too, like you ..._

“You just wanted to help, didn’t you? You just wanted to make it _right_.”

He stood there, waiting, keeping his hand on Matsuda’s shoulder. Matsuda was trembling. He was staring at the floor again and his fists were clenching and unclenching. Light tried to keep his face calm and still. _Come ON Matsuda, I’m right, I know I am, confess, just confess!_

“I’m ... I ... ”

Matsuda sounded ragged. Light squeezed his shoulder as reassuringly as he could.

“I’m sorry!”

It was almost a wail and Light had to fight to keep a triumph grin off his face. He’d been _right_. He’d been _right_ and Matsuda had all but confessed, confessed to _him_ and he’d beaten L, the greatest detective alive!

“I know you are,” he said, pleased that his voice sounded totally gentle still. “Of course you are. You’re not a bad man, Matsuda-san. Anybody who knows you knows that. You just wanted to make a difference.”

Matsuda nodded his head slightly. Light squeezed his shoulder again, trying to strength the connection. This wasn’t enough. He wanted - _needed_ \- more. He needed to _know_. 

“Why don’t you tell me what happened, Matsuda-san? I can help you, you know that I can. Nobody wants to see anything bad happen to you. Tell me how it happened.”

Matsuda looked at him, his eyes damp, mouth shaking. It was pathetic really. A grown-man almost crying. Light hadn’t cried since he was a child. Still, perhaps he ought to be more charitable. Not everybody was as strong as he was and Matsuda had doubtless been under a lot of pressure.

“Aren’t ... aren’t you _scared?_ ” Matsuda blurted out. “Don’t you ... I could kill you!”

“You could,” Light agreed. “But I told you, I know that you’re a good man. A good man couldn’t do something like that. You would never hurt my father that way.”

“Never!” Matsuda almost snapped it back and Light had to press his lips together to stop himself smirking. People were so _predictable_ (though if he were honest, he would never have imagined Matsuda having the guts and creativity to put a mass-murder plan into action so perhaps people _could_ surprise you every now and then.)

“Don’t ... don’t freak out okay?” Matsuda said. “He looks kind of creepy – you _do_ look kind of creepy, don’t make that noise! – but he’s okay when you get to know him, honestly.”

Light stared at him, wondering suddenly if Matsuda was playing a game or perhaps had just gone mad. There hadn’t been any noise, what was the man talking about? Had he misjudged? But no, he couldn’t have done. He never misjudged.

Matsuda had picked up his bag and was going through it, apparently looking for something, talking all the time, as though it was a relief to get it out.

“I’ve been keeping it on me ... couldn’t think of anywhere better to hide it. I was so scared L might want to have us all searched and I wouldn’t have known what to do then. You’d have thought of somewhere so smart to hide it, I bet. You’re so much cleverer than me ... here.”

He was holding out a small, black notebook. There were English words written on the front: _Death Note_. Light stared at him, wondering again if Matsuda was just slightly mad. Why was Matsuda offering him _stationary_ at a time like this? Matsuda offered it again and with a sigh, Light took it from his hands.

He heard the laughter before he actually saw anything. A deep chuckling, as though all of this was completely hilarious. Then he looked up and saw it, hovering over them both, grey-skinned and large-toothed and utterly inhuman. He couldn’t help jerking backwards, gasping and Matsuda reached out and touched his arm.

“His name is Ryuk,” he said, almost cheerful now, perhaps because the weight was finally off his shoulders. “He’s a Shinigami. He dropped the notebook because he was bored and I found it just ... lying there. I thought it was a dumb joke, you know? It’s got all these rules written in the front, it took me ages to work them out, they’re all in English. Bet you’d have just read them super-easy, huh? But I had to get a dictionary and everything! Anyway, I still didn’t believe it cause, cause it’s stupid, isn’t it? You can’t write in a book and _kill_ people. But there, there was this case and the Chief, he was saying how the guy was going to get off and we’d catch him next time but ... but I got mad and I was thinking how unfair it was and how it shouldn’t happen that way and someone like that just didn’t deserve to live and ... and so I just scribbled the name down. And I didn’t think it would work but then it _did_ and I didn’t know what to do and I wanted to pretend it was okay but ... but it wasn’t and I tried another name and that worked too and ... and there are so many people that we can’t arrest or who get away from it all and your Dad’s always so sad about it and ... and I just thought, was it really so wrong? I wasn’t going to kill that many of them, I really wasn’t, just the worst ones! And I haven’t ... I haven’t hurt L or the FBI agents or anything like that, it wouldn’t have been fair.”

Ryuk was still laughing, He leaned down and grabbed an apple from the overflowing fruit bowl and threw one into his mouth, crunching it loudly. Matsuda rubbed his face and smiled a little.

“Ryuk really likes apples,” he said. “He appeared after a few days to tell me about it all. He has to follow the owner around. Like I said, he’s not so bad really, he likes to watch TV with me when ... when I’m done working. Nobody can see him if they haven’t touched the notebook, so that’s okay.”

“And you took it to _work_ with you?”

He didn’t mean to sound so disgusted but he couldn’t help it. What a stupid, stupid thing to do! If just one person had gone into Matsuda’s bag for something ...

“I know,” Matsuda said, his shoulders drooping. “I know I’m stupid, Light-kun. But I was too scared to leave it at home and I couldn’t ... I couldn’t think of anything. And then L was involved and everyone was talking about it and I didn’t know what else to do any more. And .. and the crime rates gone down, hasn’t it? I’ve made a difference, haven’t I?”

Light stared at him. This little notebook, this small, normal-feeling thing was what had killed all those people? And Matsuda had found it by _chance?_ And of course, it was wrong, very wrong to kill others but to see someone like Matsuda managing to make a difference in this amount of time? Just with a notebook?

What would have happened if someone like Light had found it first? Someone clever, someone with vision? Someone who could do something truly wonderful.

He wouldn’t have killed with it. He wouldn’t. Killing is wrong. Even people who don’t deserve to live, even people who avoided justice ...

“I just wanted to help,” Matsuda said softly, sadly. “Wanted to make a difference, you know? I know it was wrong. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Your Dad’s gonna be so disappointed in me. Everybody is, aren’t they? I’ve never been very good at doing the right thing. Sorry, Ryuk. Guess you won’t be having so much fun any more.”

“Oh, I dunno,” Ryuk said. He crunched another apple, his eyes still fixed almost greedily on Light. “Maybe it’s all just beginning.”


End file.
